Last Week of my 20s

The end of this week brings with it the sadness of reaching my 30s. I shall bask in the glory of my youth for two more days. At which point, I will then be required to carry my "OLD" card with me at all times. I have felt my youth slipping in the past months. In fact, I missed the beginning of the Super Bowl and both the NCAA Football and Basketball national championships. This is a major change in my behavior. Last year I could honestly tell you there was no way in the world I would not watch those games. This year, I will tell you it was an easy choice to make. I also have noticed that sports are taking a toll on my body and have had to cut back. This seems like enough evidence to prove I am getting older, but I think the physical is just scratching the surface.

I believe I am maturing rapidly in my work, spiritual and home life. I feel that I have been embracing my gifts and continue to build on them. Patience is now a word that doesn't have the negative connotation it had when I was such an anxious young engineer. Patience used to be an excuse for lazy in my mind. There would be times that I would get so excited even with speaking that I made a fool of myself. I will hopefully continue growing throughout the next ten decade of my life, at which point I believe I will be in a very pleasant state of mind (with a red mustang convertible, maybe a lamborghini, yea right not me).

With all joking aside, I wanted to talk about 2 great songs that spoke to me today. I heard them in succession today during the KLove pledge drive. J.J. Heller's "Love Me" and Casting Crowns "Who I Am". If you haven't heard these songs they are both beautiful songs about God's Love, and I recommend you have a listen on YouTube. There is a theme that relates back to my education and a quote that Dr. Ford (Leadership-Self) posted on the whiteboard this week from the Talmud. It stated God will not judge Akiba for not being Moses. God will judge Akiba for not being Akiba. What this means is that we must not worry about being great people or not having the gifts that are so deeply admired and left to permeate the history books. Instead, we must use our gifts to the best of our ability and not worry about the gifts we don't have. So Heller's song begs the question "Who will Love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become?" At the end of the song a criminal cries out the question, and hears the voice of God. The response is, "I know you've murdered, and I know you've lied. I have watched you suffer all of your life. But now that you're listening. I'll tell you that I will love you for you, not for what you have done or what you have become". That's a real father. The other song by Casting Crowns (my favorite band) has a chors that says "Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done. Not because of what I've done, but because of who You are." This song flipped everything I was feeling about having to perform at the highest level to please God. I was so motivated about my strengths that I lost sight of that fact that I will be loved not by my accomplishments, but instead because He is God, and He is Love. This shook me today.

So, I am a learner, achiever, strategic, all those things so I had to do really well on the Economics test, but why? Because those are my strengths? Well, as I mentioned earlier in my blog, I try so hard as a sign of respect to my wife. There may be a hint of trying to prove myself to myself, since I didn't focus on high marks in my undergraduate studies. That said, My preparation paid off once again. After the last test, Dr. Estrada stated he was happy with my effort but reminded me that this is a cohort system and I need to focus on helping others achieve high marks as well. Well this time (as well as last time) I met with my group for a 4 hour study session. I believe everyone did better on this test than last test from my group.

There is still one more test and maybe we can all ACE that one together. Additionally, I am going to start ask each group to host a study session on a different day before our next test, so that there will be 4 options for sessions to attend. Also, each group doesn't necessarily have to go to the session they host. I have to see how receptive everyone is to the idea, but I like it for the most part. There may be some details that end up making it on 3 days or whatever, but the point is to try a little harder to reach out for those finding the material to be more challenging. This is a team effort and I want to treat it as such.